The Cheez Whiz secret

Aren't older sisters terrible?

Let me tell you a sad tale of endless woe.

When I was little - maybe like 9 or 10, my sister Janine was making a Cheez Whiz sandwich. I noticed, with awe, that she could get a lot of Cheez Whiz on the knife at once - eliminating the need to go back to the jar over and over to maximize the fake-cheesiness on her bread. As a clumsy, sausage-fingered kid, I was unable to perform such a wonderful task on my own sandwich.

So, I asked Janine how she did it. Her reply? "That's the Cheez Whiz secret. You don't get to know that until you're 12".

Birthdays came and went... every year, I counted down the years left until I too could spread orange oil-based substances like a pro. This was better than waiting until 14 to get a learner's permit, better than 18 to vote, better than 60 to get senior's discounts. I was going to be the Cheez Whiz master!

The day finally came, March 11, 1988. This would be the day I could finally learn the secret - a bit of family tradition passed down to each new generation of Babowals on their 12th birthday. I asked my sister, with bated breath, what the secret was.

TURNS OUT THERE'S NO CHEEZ WHIZ SECRET!

I guess when you're older, your hands work better. Thanks Janine for ruining my childhood. That was the day I left the innocence of the child behind and learned that the world deals out disappointments in spades.

You try to win, but you just can't win!

We spent a great weekend at my sister's house last weekend. Generally, these weekends involve two things:

1. Eating copious amounts of junk food
2. Me beating everyone at board games

I don't mean to brag (well, actually I do), but I seem to win a lot of the time when I play board games. Now - I'm not talking about your boring games that you played with your family growing up - we're into German-style games. Alex, my niece, even commented "why does Uncle David win all the time?"

Anyway, I thought about this and I think that there are several factors that influence my extreme prowess:

1. I played (and still play) a lot of video games.
2. I'm a computer programmer

Numbers 1 and 2 help me to hold a lot of crap in my head at once. But I think that the big reason is #3:

3. Growing up, I played a lot of games against myself.

Yes, sad but true. When your sisters are 6 and 8 years older than you, they are more interested in boys their age, and not the annoying little boy that lives in their house. I think I got so good at games because the only person who I could reliably find to play against was myself.

So take that Janine and Colleen - it's your fault that I win all the time!

D-D-D

If any of you follow my sister Janine's blog, you might think that she's a wonderful person. I beg to differ. Case in point - this morning, I found myself singing a song that she composed years ago, and that she sang throughout my formative years. The lyrics go like this:

Dumb Dumb David
Dumb Dumb David
Dumb Dumb Dummity Dumb

(Repeat x 100)

Cat names

A few months ago, my sister Janine and I decided that the best cat names should contain a title or honorific. While I don't own a cat, or really ever plan on changing that fact, I have come up with a list of good names for cats. Feel free to use any of the following:

Captain Fluffypaw
Baron von Mouselicker
Fatty "Fats" Fatty-cat, the fat
Colonel Reginald Fuzz
The lieutenant (must be pronounced the British way - LEFTtenant)
Mr. Archibald Renfrow, the third (only applies if this is your third cat)
Count Lickyfur
Dutchess Spottyface
Fluffy T. Furryfur
Angus McJumpOnTheCouch
Corporal Fang (for mean cats)
Queen LazyMew
Lady Hairball
Mrs. Crinkles (this one is good if you are an old lady)
My cat (good for amnesiacs)
Your cat (good if your friends are amnesiacs)
Catty P CatCat, Esq.
General Tailey Winkersnortz
President Litterbox
Marquis Le Purr
Dame Esmerelda Pukebreath

Sibling rivalry

So, welcome to my very own blog. (woops, typed that as blob the first time).

I was reading my sister's blog, and decided that I needed to create one of my own. This decision is based 100% on the fact that I need to be better / funnier than my sister. Don't get me wrong - we get along really well now that we're all grown up - but I still can't get over 20+ years of fighting with her constantly.

I'm not sure why we fought so much growing up - I think it's probably because we were constantly struggling for the second place finish in the land of our mom's favour. We both knew that Colleen was the favourite, so any points earned towards that second-place status were highly cherished!

And it seems that the latest battlefield is going to be Guitar Hero III. Janine jumped the gun by ordering it before I could get my hands on it. She's got a week's lead on me - but I have a misspent youth of video game skillz that will definitely be a bonus. So Janine - GAME ON! (of course, I'm still waiting for mine to come in the mail).... hopefully I can be a real guitar hero before Easter.

One more thing Janine - do they have that great (read stupid) song that you used to play on your classical guitar? (Duh duh..... dinh, duh duh duh)

P.S. In case you're curious, Diids is my ace Mii at Wii sports.