Monday, June 15, 2009

Dora, Dora, Dora the evil tyrant

Here's a conversation overheard from the back of our van:

We have these Dora pens where there's a little Dora figure on top of a spring at the top of the pen. The other day, Rebecca was playing with the pen and then broke the Dora off of it. She held it up to show me.

"Look daddy, it came off"
"Oh well", I say
"But that's better now anyway, because now she can fight."
"Fight?"
"Yes, this is the mean Dora"
Emily: "And she's fat too"

(Here is where I could have taken the conversation to explain that fat people are not bad people, but I was more interested in the mean fighting Dora)

Rebecca plays some more, and I hear her say (to the other toys in the back, speaking as mean Dora)

"Come out you guys, so I can put you in hot lava and make you dead"

Yeah - awesome parenting there.

Friday, June 12, 2009

I can't believe it's not meat

The other day, Kathryn came home from grocery shopping with some yummy-looking stuffed chicken breasts. Only, once she got home, she realized that they were vegetarian chicken. We ate them anyway, and despite being kind of chewy, they looked and tasted like real chicken, even though they were made from some form of vegetable slurry.

Which makes me wonder, why is there a market for these things? What self-respecting vegetarian wants to buy fake chicken? To me, if you've decided to be a vegetarian, you should fill youself with vegetables, not fake meat. Learn to cook tofu properly or something.

If you want a hot dog, then go and buy a hot dog - stop wasting my store shelf space with your faux-dogs.

If anyone actually read this blog (other than my non-vegetarian family), I'm sure that this would anger them. Too bad. I like meat.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

I like to ride my bicycle

Here's a healthy warning to those of you with kids: Don't decide on a whim that you want to go for a bike ride.

BAD DECISION!

The first bike ride of the season is always an exercise in frustration. First of all, it means climbing over the mountains of crap in the shed to extract the bikes. This didn't prove to be all that hard this year - maybe I put things away properly last year. (which, by the way was done AS the first snowfall was happening)

Ok, fine... next step is to put the trailer together. That was pretty easy this year too (now that I've done it a million times)

Then I realized that my front tire was flat. No problem - we have a compressor... only Georgina has borrowed it to fix their car tire. D'oh. Ok, so I can load the bike into the van and drive to the gas station. Except that with 3 car seats and the usual piles of crap in the van, there's no way the bike's fitting in there. Alright, next option - remove the tire. Done and done.

Ok, so now, back from the gas station, it's time to put the tire back on my bike. Hrmmm - the brake cable is so tight that I can't get the tire back on and have the brakes connected. Will solve this later. Next step - attach the trailer - no problem.

Now we're ready for kids to come outside. Helmets at the ready. Turns out that Becca's head doesn't fit her helmet anymore. So it's time to switch with Eve.

This is a process that involves cramming helmets on heads, swearing over the straps, dealing with one baby who hates helmets and one 3-year-old who complains when getting her hair brushed.

Ok, we finally get all helmets adjusted. By this time, Eve has lost it - hates the helmet, hates being in the trailer, has already gone through an entire bottle.

Almost ready to go, and I remember that my brakes aren't connected. Kathryn and I try to work together to re-attach. No luck. So, I have to go grab a ratchet from the basement. Which means unlocking the house (for the fourth time). As I'm pulling the cable through the screw, it schwings (technical term) back and the nut goes flying.

5 minutes later, we find it in the grass and re-attach the brakes. Ok, finally ready to go (after re-filling the milk bottle).

Turns out that it's an incredibly windy day. Eve screams the whole way to Sobeys. The tires on the trailer are low, so are the other tires that I didn't pump up. Kathryn goes in to Sobeys to buy treats while I head over to the gas station. Woops - their air hose is broken.

By this time, all we want to do is get home. Eve is placated with Malteasers for most of the way home. She actually makes a happy sound at one point. We finally make it home, sore-assed.

Next time will be better????

(Author's note - this was only slightly exaggerated, but in the end, it was still a good time).