Monday, August 26, 2013

Arrr. Here be treasure

Today, I am winning at life.

Leaving the house this morning, I quickly grabbed a coat.  (aside - a coat in August?  Welcome to Canada).  On the way out to the car, I put my hand in the coat pocket to reveal a half-eaten bag of M&Ms from the movies a few months ago.

Like, srsly, score!

I absolutely love it when this happens.  It's like finding lost treasure that you've hidden for yourself.  It's a little message from your past self to your now self - a little "hey, future me, I saved this ess just for you, cuz I know you'd appreciate.  BTW, lookin good big guy!"

Granted, a bag of M&Ms isn't quite the awesome treasure like finding a $10 bill in an old coat is, but I'll take my luck where I can.  Finding forgotten money is one of the best simple pleasures in life.  Granted, I'm really net zero on those transactions, but it sure does feel like winning the lottery.  I love the little elf that hides $10 in coat pockets.

Finding this money would be even better

Anyway, if you need me, I'm going to be stuffing my pie hole with M&Ms whilst trying on old coats.

Friday, February 1, 2013

Why I love Geocaching - a photo essay

Ok, so, you may have heard that I love to geocache.  For those not in the know, go watch this terrible video:


Ok, back now?

Anyway, I like it because it brings you to some awesome places:


Hmm, bridges seem to be prominent in things I decide to take pictures of - must be the engineer in me.

Also, sometimes it's just fun to climb under things, or walk through thick bushes to find a little tupperware container (or, send your wife looking under a building in Alaska):




What I really love, though, is when someone makes the effort to hide something truly unique:



But who am I kidding?  Here's the real reason why I love geocaching:


Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Two things I am done with

Ok, here's a little rant of a post.

There are two things in my environment that I am done with, completely over.

The first is flash mobs.  (Or anything involving flash and/or mobs).  Now, I used to be a fan.  That cell phone commercial at the train station was awesome, and so was the Black Eyed Peas on Oprah.  Other than that, it's all old news and unexciting.  Anyone wishing to start a flash mob now is sooo 2008 (and also 2000-and-late).

Side note - do you remember what cell phone company the ad was for?  Me neither.  FAIL!

Second thing - "teaser" ad campaigns, especially Edmonton-centric ones.

You know what I'm talking about.  We were blessed in March with not one, but TWO such campaigns.  The first was for Southgate mall, and it was their second offence.  At least their teaser had glittery, mesmerizing, trance-inducing signs.

The second one, and also a second offense was for Now! Radio.  Avid followers (again, read: nobody) will know my feelings about this station.  You will also know my feelings about their last campaign.  This time around was a whole series of inane and highly creepy billboards that read like Three Lines Free (for those who are old like me) or craigslist ads (for those who grew up with the series of tubes), asking where "Red Scarf Girl" was, and if creepy billboard man (Prince Charming?  more like Prince Rapist) could find her again.

After a looooong protracted campaign, it was revealed that Now! radio was behind it all.  And we all laughed and laughed.  Then we gave them kudos for being so interesting.  Then we puked.

I am not an advertising person - so I don't get how this can be effective.  I can't imagine that it's true that all publicity is good publicity.  (for example, if McDonald's is in the news for serving mice instead of cows, will that drive sales?)  The only thing these ads did was solidify my dislike for the Now! radio brand.  In my mind, the big reveal was absolutely disappointing.  It should have ended with Red Scarf Girl and Prince Charming really being Belinda Stronach and Peter MacKay getting back together in a Scientologist wedding, or something similarly spectacular.

And this bait-and-switch was brought to you by the station that bills itself as "Honest" and "Open" and "Not Fake"  (and p.s., don't get me started on what that means for a radio station).


My favourite part of this whole saga is that there is ABSOLUTELY NO MENTION of this anymore on the Now! website.  This is brilliant advertising.

I can only hope that the next campaign they run involves flash mobbing in some form or another.

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Weekly cooking - Filipino style

Ok, to start - why is it Filipino and not Philipino?  Also, why not Filippino? I love English.

So, our good friend Lisa got married last year to Ricky, who's from the Philippines.  After OVER A YEAR of trying to get his permanent residency, he was finally allowed to come and live in Canada.

We decided (or maybe we were asked nicely by Lisa?) to host a little party for people to meet Ricky - a man that they'd only heard about (annoyingly, gushingly, amorously) through Lisa.

Ricky loves calimari, so we decided to make some for him.  This was, by far, the easiest recipe.  It involved opening the box of frozen calimari and shoving it in the oven.  Top with some chopped red onion.  Not really deserving of a picture.

We also made this awesome combo of Pilsbury croissants and chicken salad.  And by chicken salad, I mean cream cheese with a hint of chicken:



We also made a pancit, which is basically like a stir-fry, but with cabbage and egg noodles.  It was ridiculously fun to make, but you get no pictures, because I was too busy stuffing my face with dessert:



Lime tarts, Mars bar squares (thanks Janine) and those peanut butter marshmallow goodnesses.  To make Mars bar squares:

4 Mars Bars
1/2 cup butter or margarine (oleo for you crossword fans)
2 cups rice krispies

Melt the Mars bars and butter together.  Stir constantly.  The nougat will turn into this nasty, stringy, snot-like substance.  Keep melting until it's all smooth.  Remove from heat and stir in the rice krispies.  Pour into a pan and melt chocolate over the top.  So simple!

As an aside, those peanut butter things make me think of the Land of Make Believe from Mr. Rogers.  I think I may have eaten one whilst watching that horrible show as a kid.  Isn't memory fun?  Almost as much fun as English.

Anyway, the piece de resistance was this:


You have probably seen these on Facebook already.  And the ones you saw probably looked a lot better than this.  Ours had vodka in them though, so nyah nyah to you.

They didn't set properly, probably because I used room temperature vodka, and not cold vodka, as I read in the Journal today.  (Thanks for coming out Journal - just a week late!)

Anyway, they were a giant pain to make.  Hollowing out oranges takes a long time.  When you're done, you're so sick of oranges that you throw the insides away, because the thought of eating them makes you want to puke.

They looked pretty fun, and tasted..... meh.  But they did pack a punch.... and made people forget about Filipino vs. Philipino.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

The worst of both worlds

Have you been to dinner theatre lately?

About a year and a half ago, we went to a dinner theatre show with our BFFs.  On the way there, we had such great expectations for some great food and fun entertainment.

In the end, we got food.  And entertainment.  (dear reader:  note the lack of adjectives).  I won't say where we went, but it starts with J and rhymes with Mubilations.

Dinner theatre is just a disappointment.  You get food that has to be mass produced so that it can be served to the entire "restaurant" all at the same time.  And it has to be bland enough to accommodate both the seniors (of which there are plenty) and children (of which there were a few).  Side note - who shells out the cashish to bring a child to one of these places?  So that means either 1) fatty prime rib or 2) dry mushroom-sauced chicken.  Maybe this passed as great food back in the days when you'd go out for dinner and a dance?  I dunno.  Not so good anymore.  I need my food to have strange combinations (what?  Lamb in cheese fondue? yes please!) or in awkward presentations (shrimp on a lollipop?  How novel!)

And as for the show - well, you get the BFA grads who had a GPA of 4.  And by 4, I mean 4 out of 9.  (Yeah, shout out stanine!)  Every time I go to a show there, the plot/songs/jokes all follow the same formula.  I'm pretty sure they use the DJ 3000 to write them (hot dog!  we have a wiener).


But the worst part, by far, is the service.  Now, everything is usually pretty prompt, since they have to have the meals served, pepper ground and plates cleared in the space between acts.  I'm talking about the fact that your server is "in character" as they deliver your fatty beef.

Do you remember those days in Drama class in High School where there were those kids who just played a character the whole class, and how annoying that was?  Ok, wait.  Maybe only I have those memories due to the fact that I'm a High School Drama Geek.  ANYWAY... I don't want Sandra Dee or Jack Bauer asking me if I want a refill on that cola based beverage I'm drinking.  I want my server to be there when I need something, maybe with some good inane chatter (see above), but not to draw all the attention to themselves for the ENTIRE TIME that I'm eating and/or watching the program to count how many songs are left before dessert.

But P.S.  It must suck to work at one of those places and just be a server, and not be a server / (stroke) performer in the show.  Just like bus drivers, there's probably a hierarchy there too.

As an aside, I have never worked as a server, so I don't really understand what the job entails.  Sorry if I offended any of you who work in hospitality.  Now go fetch me another coke.

So, maybe, like Greg, I'm turning into a grumpy old man.  (no maybes about it).  I think I'll stick to one of these options in the future:

1)  Go to a super-nice restaurant, get take-out and watch some HBO television series on the DVD player in the van or
2)  Go to a show at the Citadel or the Jube and sneak in some jujyfruits and/or duck breast.

And maybe pretend I'm Clive Bixby the whole time.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Slurptegrity

Ok,  good parent moment.  Not on my part though.  This one (surprisingly) (wait, I shouldn't say that - I guarantee a punch for that) goes to Kathryn.  In a nutshell, Emily can ride a bike now - all thanks to some technique and a lot of patience that Kathryn dug up from somewhere.  I know what you're thinking - Kathryn actually had patience for Emily?

But I digress...

This post isn't really about that parenting moment - that's just preamble.  For those who don't know, we live in a cul-de-sac.  Which is great, since we have this nice keyhole loop where the kids can ride their bikes starting at the corner, past our house, around the bend, past the house on the other side of the street, and then end up at the alley.  Then, they stop, turn their bikes around and ride back.  They do this because we forbid them to cross the road because we are either:

A) Good parents who don't want their kids to get run-over or;
B) Paranoid, over-protective crazies.

Now, I could digress more here and talk about the stupid kids who insist on playing ball hockey in the busy part of the road, when there's a barely used section of road 10 FEET AWAY!  And who don't move their nets or their bodies when a car approaches.  (Come on - don't kids know anything about proper street hockey these days?).  But I will not, because that would end up with me smashing the computer.

What I will talk about is differences between what I did as a kid and what I let Emily do.

For starters, and this should be apparent to anybody over, oh, let's say 20?  We never used to wear bike helmets.  It was just run out the back door, grab your bike and off you go.  Nowadays it's a long process of getting the helmets down from the closet, adjusting their hair to fit the helmet on their heads.  Adjusting the straps to fit the children who have inherited my big head syndrome and then finally forcing them out the door because they've changed their minds about wanting to ride bikes after all.  I'm not saying that our childhood was better, cause let me tell you - blunt force trauma to the head ain't that nostalgic.

What I wonder more about is that I can remember taking my bike and actually leaving my parents' sight-line for the whole afternoon.  We would ride ON THE STREET!, or even worse, IN THE ALLEY.  In fact, my friends John, Anthony and I used to ride in circles up and down one alley driveway, across the alley, up another driveway, and then down this wicked little slope that for some reason was built in to the edge of the driveway.  You could get your bike up to about Mach 0.5 for a brief second before (and this was the smart part) shooting out into the alley from a hidden position right beside the garage.  I can see now why the owner of said driveway got mad at us for riding our bikes there.

The other main activity with our bikes was riding to the store to buy copious amounts of candy.  There were two places you could go in my neighbourhood for your sugar fixes.  The first was Sprague Drugs at Petrolia Mall.  This was the officially sanctioned place.  And by sanctioned, I mean that this is the place that my mom said was ok to go to.  Sure, you did have to cross the busy street (40th Ave) - but there were medical professionals there at the store to watch out for us.

The place that we usually went, however, was the little convenience store in the tower at Lord Byron.  For some reason, my mom HATE HATE HATED it that we went there.  First off, we would normally take a side trip through a ravine.  And then there was Lord Byron.  I guess it was my mom's middle-class snobbery that assumed people living there were all child molesters?  I don't know - sincere apologies if you lived in Lord Byron in the early 80's.

The store there had the most amazing selection of candy ever.  There were the usual things like blue fish, cinnamon lips, etc... but then there was weird and crazy crap that you have never seen anywhere else and I have never seen again.  I remember one thing that was this little foil-topped plastic rectangle that came with a little plastic spoon.  Inside the foil was basically Nutella - but two different colours.  That stuff was effing amazing.

The store there didn't just have awesome candy, it also had an arcade game.  The one I can remember playing the most was this super-awesome cowboy game where you fought people on top of a moving train.  Yeah, that's right mofos - a MOVING EFFING TRAIN!  I used to think it was the pinnacle of arcade games.  Then I Googled it (arcade game western train) - and found out it was this:


Which is pretty lame.

As I was reminiscing about this - I wondered about where I got the money for my candy-fueled train-punching escapades.  I had absolutely no idea, other than pennies found on the ground.  We didn't get regular allowances.

As I got older, we graduated to playing video games in the basement on my Nintendo, or my friend Craig's Sega.  (note to reader - we're talking 8-bit here - the original Nintendo Entertainment System and Sega Master System).  We did not, however, graduate from our need for candy.  By this time, a new 7-11 (pronounced Sev) clone had opened up at Petrolia Mall - which must have made both my mom and me happy, since it probably had the best candy selection AND it was away from pedo-bear.

As a huge plus - it also had Slurpees.

The one Slurpee story that I do remember is getting to the Sev on our bikes, selecting our candy and getting our Slurpees.  Usually, the candy selection took a while - it was a delicate balancing act of what you really wanted vs. what you could actually afford.  It was an awesome lesson in economics.  The candy purchase usually ended up in a plastic bag that you could hang from your handlebars.  The Slurpee was usually held in one hand, so you could drink whilst riding home.

This one time - the candy selection took so long that the weather completely changed from mostly fine:  shorts, t-shirts, etc.  to not-at-all-fine downpour.  And P.S.  you can't return a Slurpee.  I remember getting on our bikes, candy bag secure on the handlebars and just riding as fast as we could to get home.  I learned a valuable lesson about Slurpee cups that day.  They are very very very good at keeping the liquid and wetness in the cup and very very very bad at keeping external wetness out.

I'm pretty sure that by the time we got back to Craig's house - ready for a marathon session of Wonder Boy in Monster Land - that my Slupee cup's integrity had completely collapsed and that what was actually holding my Slurpee in place was my frigidly cold hand, covered in a thin layer of wax and cardboardish mush.

I'm pretty sure that I still drank the Slurpee out of my hand though.



Thursday, October 6, 2011

Weekly cooking - great friends, great food

Ok, so I've been slacking on blogging in general, and more specifically, blogging about food.  So, today, you (and by you, I mean me, because who are we kidding, I'm writing this for my own ego) get treated to a smorgasbord (if you will) of recent menus.

First off, our besties (BFFs IYW) The Heart-Ds are moving to Australia for a couple of years.  Before Greg left, we decided to do a "best of" meal with them.  As a surprise, we made this cool shrimp cocktail:


Which looked really cool and tasted even better.  The next course was this amazing cold cucumber and avocado soup that you top with red onion, cucumber, avocado, cilantro and yumminess.


The problem with this recipe is that it uses like a tablespoon of plain yogurt.  And plain yogurt only comes in those giant one litre containers - so then you're stuck with a ton of gross, unflavored yogurt in your fridge for a month, until you decide to throw it away... or until this happens:


Let me tell you - that ess was C-O-L-D!

Anyway, next meal....  another friend of ours, Tanya, is also leaving us to move to Saskatoon.  Before that, she was off to Thailand to have an amazing elephant farming (herding?) experience.  We were told that her favourite foods were bacon, cheese and bread.  So we decided to make a meal centered around bacon:


(well, not the salad, cause come on - something had to have no bacon in it).  But the chicken was stuffed with goat cheese and bacon and the little puffs are from this recipe.  You MUST STOP EVERYTHING YOU'RE DOING AND MAKE THESE RIGHT NOW!

For dessert, we had chocolate bread pudding with bacon-infused creme anglaise.  No bigs.  We got the idea (and recipe) from watching an episode of Bobby Flay's Throwdown at my sister's house.  The bread pudding was great - but the chocolate overpowered the bacon in the custard.  Such is life.

Last meal.  Kathryn invited a new friend, Taylene over for dinner.  We decided to try a new recipe for pork loin (read wang) with a cherry salsa on it.  Ok.  So.  Cherries aren't in season anymore.  I experimented by buying dried cherries and soaking them in water overnight.  They puffed up, but looked kind of nasty, so I decided that I needed to cook them up in a Port reduction.  Yeah, that was awesome!  The recipe came from Bon Appetit magazine, which my sister Janine gave me as a gift.  To compliment, we had domino potatoes, which is basically roasted potatoes with bay leaves, but cut into little squares like dominos.  They were seriously delish and super easy peasy.  Basically just rub the pan with butter, put the potatoes in, put bayleaves in, season, top with melted butter and bake until done.

Also, we had spinach and goat cheese souffles.  We didn't have enough little ramekins, so I decided to make them in cappuccino cups.  I was super nervous that they wouldn't rise and I forbid anyone from opening the oven.  Luckily, they turned out great:


For dessert, angel food cake (store bought, cuz really - have you ever made an angel food cake from scratch?  It takes, like, a whole carton of eggs).


Ok.  Caught up!

Bonus:  Strawberries