The worst of both worlds

Have you been to dinner theatre lately?

About a year and a half ago, we went to a dinner theatre show with our BFFs.  On the way there, we had such great expectations for some great food and fun entertainment.

In the end, we got food.  And entertainment.  (dear reader:  note the lack of adjectives).  I won't say where we went, but it starts with J and rhymes with Mubilations.

Dinner theatre is just a disappointment.  You get food that has to be mass produced so that it can be served to the entire "restaurant" all at the same time.  And it has to be bland enough to accommodate both the seniors (of which there are plenty) and children (of which there were a few).  Side note - who shells out the cashish to bring a child to one of these places?  So that means either 1) fatty prime rib or 2) dry mushroom-sauced chicken.  Maybe this passed as great food back in the days when you'd go out for dinner and a dance?  I dunno.  Not so good anymore.  I need my food to have strange combinations (what?  Lamb in cheese fondue? yes please!) or in awkward presentations (shrimp on a lollipop?  How novel!)

And as for the show - well, you get the BFA grads who had a GPA of 4.  And by 4, I mean 4 out of 9.  (Yeah, shout out stanine!)  Every time I go to a show there, the plot/songs/jokes all follow the same formula.  I'm pretty sure they use the DJ 3000 to write them (hot dog!  we have a wiener).

But the worst part, by far, is the service.  Now, everything is usually pretty prompt, since they have to have the meals served, pepper ground and plates cleared in the space between acts.  I'm talking about the fact that your server is "in character" as they deliver your fatty beef.

Do you remember those days in Drama class in High School where there were those kids who just played a character the whole class, and how annoying that was?  Ok, wait.  Maybe only I have those memories due to the fact that I'm a High School Drama Geek.  ANYWAY... I don't want Sandra Dee or Jack Bauer asking me if I want a refill on that cola based beverage I'm drinking.  I want my server to be there when I need something, maybe with some good inane chatter (see above), but not to draw all the attention to themselves for the ENTIRE TIME that I'm eating and/or watching the program to count how many songs are left before dessert.

But P.S.  It must suck to work at one of those places and just be a server, and not be a server / (stroke) performer in the show.  Just like bus drivers, there's probably a hierarchy there too.

As an aside, I have never worked as a server, so I don't really understand what the job entails.  Sorry if I offended any of you who work in hospitality.  Now go fetch me another coke.

So, maybe, like Greg, I'm turning into a grumpy old man.  (no maybes about it).  I think I'll stick to one of these options in the future:

1)  Go to a super-nice restaurant, get take-out and watch some HBO television series on the DVD player in the van or
2)  Go to a show at the Citadel or the Jube and sneak in some jujyfruits and/or duck breast.

And maybe pretend I'm Clive Bixby the whole time.